ADD . . .I Don't have it

Break from seriousness. Pulled this from the archives (of facebook). This is me. Like, I'm seriously this random (in case you couldn't tell). 

This is an essay on ADD, it's symptoms, effects, and results, etc. ADD stands for Attention deficit disorder. Speaking of which, my room is kind of in a state of disorder right now. Like, my one roommate went home this weekend, and left Megan and I here alone. . . .bad move on her part. It's kind of trashed. Like my laundry bag. Which died today. I put some laundry in it, and it kind of doesn't work any more. Just like the car I used all summer. Gone. It was an awesome black car with a radio that only played uncheckable stuff. But I loved it. It took me to work. I work at Tim Hortons, which is a coffee shop. I don't like coffee, but I do like Orange juice. As little pulp as possible. Once we went on a field trip to a lumber mill thing and they talked about making stuff with the pulp. And the wood. Wood is cool. I want to learn how to carve wood sometime. With maybe a spoon. Knives scare me. In fact, dogs scare me. I used to deliver flyers and newspapers and I got chased by dogs. A lot of them. So I don't like them. I don't like mushrooms either. They are gross. It's like eating a fungus. I got yelled at during the lecture on funguses in science for not paying attention. Attention, as in attention defecit disorder. Yeah, ADD. So glad I don't have. 

Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning?)

On November 7, 2001, Alan Jackson released what has now become one of his most popular songs: Where were you (when the world stopped turning)? If you are over the age of about 12, this song immediately pulls you back to something you will never forget--September 11, 2001. In case you aren't familiar with the lyrics, the song goes like this:

"Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky?
Did you should out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for their children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
DId you burst out with pride for the red, white and blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters?

CHORUS:

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of innocent children

Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty 'cause you survived

In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that Bible at home?

Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened

Close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first tie in ages

Or speak to soem stranger on the street?

Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow

Or go out and buy you a gun?

Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'

And turn on "I love Lucy" reruns?

Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers,

Stand in line and give your own blood?

Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family,
Thank God you had somebody to love?

CHORUS:
I'm just a singer of simple songs, 

I'm not a real political man.

I watch CNN, but I'm not sure I can tell you

The difference between Iraq and Iran.

But I love Jesus and I talk to God

And I remember this from when I was young.

Faith, hope, and love are some good things,

But the greatest is love."

We all know where we were that day. We all remember what happened, what we were doing, and the shock we felt. Even if we were young. It was a shocking event. The world stopped.

Not to downplay the suffering and the loss of 9/11, but I want to point us back to a bigger event in world history that we often tend to forget. One that made the world stop turning. But because the world stopped turning, we can live forever. I am, of course, talking about the Crucifixion.

Because of Christ's death, we can live forever. Because of His sacrifice on that day when the world stopped turning, we don't have to die. 

NEVER FORGET. 9/11. And the cross of Christ. 

For I Know the Thoughts I Think Towards You

Jeremiah 29:11-13 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."

I checked in today for the last time. Unpacked my last barrel. Organized my last dorm room (I have way too much stuff). Am waiting to see friends (Lisa, hurry up and get here). I look around at the place I have lived for the last 3 years. I'm a senior. I got to tell someone today that I was a

SENIOR ED. MAJOR! That was a really, REALLY, awesome feeling. This is the last year of my undergraduate career. And it's been amazing. God has been faithful. He's been good. He's taught me so much--about myself, about Him, and about my overwhelming need for Him.

I look back over the last 3 years and what God has brought me through. There has been a lot of stuff that has been "bad". Stuff that I would have been better if it hadn't happened.

At least in my mind.

But God knew what He had planned for me. And, just like Romans 8:28 says, He has worked it out and is  working it out for my good--to conform me to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ.

Because that's the whole point of my life. To become more like Christ.

I've been studying the book When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch. It talks about how concerned we are with what people around us think of us instead of what God thinks of us. Seriously, you should check this book out. I know that I worry about what people think about me a lot more than I worry about what God thinks about me. That's a goal I have for this semester. I want to focus more on God--learn more about Him. Worry about what He thinks about me. Get to know Him more and love Him more. Serve Him with everything I have.

And no matter what happens this semester, I know it will be because God has my life planned out. I can't see me future; only He can. I know that I can trust that what He allows into my life now is for something awesome ahead. He's not "out to get me". He isn't trying to ruin my life. His goal is to make me more like Christ. And if that takes a few trials, then so be it. Because that is what He wants.

The lines have been drawn . . . and they are blurred

When I was a
child
The lines were
clear.
There was right.
There was wrong.
Black or
White.
Only.
"Never hit.
Never steal.
Never lie."
"Be kind.
Share.
Take turns."
And then I had a birthday.
And another. And another.
The years started passing.
I saw things
start
to
change.
I saw the world in
different hues.
Instead of just black and white, there was
grey.
A lot.
The lines between
right and
wrong
got blurred.
Fuzzy.
Sometimes, they seemed to be
wiped out.
Completely.
Sometimes the lines
moved.
I had a lot to learn.
Still do.
And what was right sometimes
was also
wrong sometimes.
What was right for some was
wrong for others.
And my world grew and
changed.
And as the lines grew
blurry,
I noticed something.
Some people were more open,
while others clung to their
black and white.
They think they know
exactly
where the line goes.
They know better than everyone else.
They are
right
and everyone else is
wrong.

Life was so much easier when everything was
black and
white.

Thankfully, I have a
Saviour.
A God who has given us a standard of
right and
wrong.
Who shows us what to do and
directs us.
I can go to Him in
pray.
I ask for
Wisdom to know His will.
Humility to know when I'm wrong.
And patience when working with people who see the
line
in a different place than
I do.

Right and Wrong. Is it an outdated idea?

I was at work tonight (Giant Tiger) and there was a line-up. As I served one customer, I listened/watched another customer and her 2 children that were next in line. The mom said something and her daughter disagreed with her. When they got to my cash, I confirmed what the mother had said by saying to her daughter (who was no more than 7 or 8), "yeah, your mom was right!" The girl looked at me, and in all seriousness said "There is no such thing as right and wrong." Her mom was surprised and said "Yes there is! There is right and wrong." The girl argued with her back and forth, but since I was on the clock and the mother didn't seem to want my opinion, I didn't offer it. But I did think about it for the rest of the night.

Why do people think that there is no right and wrong? Is it just because they don't want to be responsible to the Person who set the standards of right and wrong? Is it because they don't like the right and wrong? And why does a 7 year old think that there is no right and wrong? She had a brother--surely her parents had told her that she wasn't allowed to hurt her brother. She isn't allowed to go to school and do whatever she wants. I'm sure she would claim "it's not fair that __________", which implies that she knows when things aren't right.

So yeah, there has to be rights and wrongs. We may interpret those a little bit differently, but there are rights and wrongs. And when we interpret within the framework of God's Word, (when we do what we do to please Him), we are going to see that there are very definite rights and wrongs. Very clearly, God has given us guidance and direction. You can't really deny that "Thou shalt not steal" gives room for discussion on right and wrong. God has given us rights and wrongs.

So my next question that I thought over was "Do those rights and wrongs change?" In different cultures, there may be different standards. Over time, things change. Simple example: 150 years ago, it was wrong and completely unacceptable for a woman in a European/American culture to wear pants. Now, it's perfectly acceptable. (If you don't wear pants, you can't deny that it is acceptable for women to wear them in general society. I'm not saying it's wrong not to wear pants--you get my point). Styles have changed. People view fashion differently. But while the style has changed, the principle of modesty haven't changed. God still wants us to be pure in thoughts and actions--150 years ago, the best way for a woman to do this was viewed as wearing skirts and tons of clothes. Now, many people think that a woman can dress modestly in a pair of loose-fitting slacks.

I'm rambling. I've been up for a lot of hours and working for a long time. But you get my point. Scriptures clearly show us that there are rights and wrongs, established by God, since the garden of Eden. Even before sin, God gave Adam and Eve things they could and couldn't do. They had to take care of the garden, name the animals, etc. These were right. The wrong was eating the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

The beautiful thing about it all is that because there are standards of Right and Wrong, there is Someone who set those standards. And He set those standards because He loves us. He wants us to be protected--because He loves us. He wants us to be safe.

One final thought. In Scripture, we are told that we are saved to do right. We are given freedom in Christ to do right. The unsaved people can't choose to do right. They automatically do wrong. They can't help it. We are given freedom to obey Christ. Which is so totally cool.

God is so good. And we are SOOOOO blessed.

How to win "Worst Customer of the Year" award

I'm taking a break from the more serious tone of this blog. Next post will be right back to usual. Today is a little "venting" if you will. Or, we could call it just being informative. Because people want to know.

Want to know what? You ask inquisitively.

I'm so glad you asked. I'm going to tell you how to win the  "Worst Customer of the Year" award. (Trophy pictured below)

Isn't it pretty? It seems like there are a lot of people out to win it this year. The competition is fierce--so you'll have to follow all the steps listed below. (I've worked in food service since I was 14--7 years, and now I work in retail as well. The stories I could tell--goodness. I'll try to tell a few below). I really think that some people need to think before they walk into a store. I told my mother that the wizard of oz could make a killing selling brains in front of my work place. (Note: The following list isn't in any particular order. The more you do, the greater chance you have of winning this award).

1. Re-pack you bags. After they are all full, take everything out and hold up the line behind you. They don't mind waiting while you re-do everything. (BTW, I'm OCD--your bags will be packed in a certain order). 

2. Give me your reusable bags after I have all your stuff in plastic bags. I don't mind taking everything out and putting it in your own bags. And the people behind you don't mind waiting either. They have nothing better to do. In fact, if you ask nicely, they may give you extra votes for this award! 

3. Scan your own items. Reach around, grab my scanner and scan your own loaf of bread. It's not like I get paid for that--and I love having stuff grabbed out of my hand.

4. Argue with me. Then another cashier. Then my supervisor. Then the manager. Then the owner. Eventually, you may find someone who can help you. If that doesn't work, try calling the president. 

5.Talk on your phone. Or text. Then glare at me when I try to ask you a question. It doesn't matter if it's rude. I'm not important.

6. Complain about the prices. Or the product we have. Or don't have. Or the color of the walls. Or anything else I have no control over.

7.Don't talk to me. When I ask you a question, stare blankly at me. I love feeling like I am talking to myself.

8. Assume I know everything about everything, and where it all is.

9. Assume I have used every product on the shelves. Even though I have no tattoos, I have tried out the "tattoo rejuvenating cream"--it works really well. And is worth the money. The same with the ashtray.

10. Forget your money and ask me to hold the line while you run out to the car for your wallet.

11. Let your kids scream bloody murder and run around like wild animals. You get bonus points if they pull things off shelves and destroy things.

12. If you have a cartful of items, please let your child unload each item one at a time. I have all day, and I would love to spend it watching your 3-year-old struggle getting everything up on the belt. 

13. It IS appropriate to pay for your order in nickels. No matter what you say, I still have to count it out--and if your order is over $0.50, you get bonus points. 

14. Search for exact change. Look under the conveyer belt. And on the floor. Dump out the contents of your purse to find the extra $2.75.

15. Leave your empty cart in front of my cash so the next person has to move it. Or I have to move it. I know it would really kill you to push it 10 feet away. We wouldn't want your life to be too strenuous.

16. Eat/drink products before paying. It's not a grocery store--it's a buffet! Help yourself. And if you don't like something, feel free to leave whatever is left on the shelf.

17. Cut in line. You are the most important person here--more important than anyone else.

18. Give me dating advice. 

19. Assume that my love-life is any of your business. Ask me out, ask for my phone number. Offer to pick me up from work. Call me dear, honey, babe, sweetheart, or any other such name. I've been looking for Prince Charming, and I hope he comes through my cash some day. That's how I've always dreamed of meeting him.

Playing Second Fiddle

Any musicians out there reading this? I'm a musician--I've been playing the violin for forever, the piano for half of forever, and a couple of other instruments in my spare time. I've played in an orchestra like the one above, and it's a lot of fun. Everyone works together to create a beautiful sound. The conductor leads (waves his arms around and hopes everyone is watching him, which never happens), and everyone plays the right notes at the right time.
Being in an orchestra, it's a lot of fun to play first violin. You get the melody and the coolest parts. Most of the time. But most symphony orchestras have about 104 musicians in them, and only 12-16(ish) of those are first violin. Which leaves a lot of us to play another part. Second fiddle, if you will. (by that, I mean, all the other instruments--it's an expression). In an orchestra, this makes perfect sense--not everyone can play the same notes. It wouldn't sound good. It would be really boring. When everyone does their part, it sounds good. Only when everyone does their part does it sound the way it is supposed to.

The Christian life is a lot like that. I'm thinking about a church. With all the people in the church, not everyone can be front and center. We all have to do our part to make the body of Christ work like it needs to. Most of us end up doing "second fiddle" jobs--jobs that may not be seen by others but need to be done. Face it--no one notices the third trumpet in the back row of the orchestra. But if he doesn't come in on that obligato trumpet solo, everyone is going to realize something's wrong. We need to be faithful in the little things we have to do. It's called being committed. It's almost a dirty word in churches today. But just like in the orchestra, we all have a part to play. We need to watch our conductor as He leads us. Keep your eyes on Him. And play whatever part He has given you!

Psalm 19:14

I have been putting of writing another blog post for a while. For several reasons. 1. I've been busy doing nothing. 2. I haven't really had anything important to say.
Not that I usually do. But I write for the sake of writing. I love to write. And I communicate so much better when writing instead of in person.
But now I have 2 ideas of things I want to write about. 1 I'll cover tonight, and the other I'll get to later sometime :)
I was reading the latest blog post on the Lies Young Women Believe. (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/index.php?id=2022)
Basically, she was talking about how important it is to let go of hurtful comments people make and how we can't let those get to us.
It's so easy, especially when you are a young person/teenager--to get defensive when people make comments. So often people make a comment--just as a joke or a passing comment. They never meant for us to take it seriously, or they said something in the heat of a moment that they never meant. They may or may not apologize, and we forgive them.

 But that old saying: "Forgive and Forget?"

Not so easy.

Forgive?

Sure, at least in time.

But forget?

That's hard. Really.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Really? Words will never hurt me?

Whoever said that must have been a hermit--or deaf.

Words can hurt.

A lot.

And if we aren't careful, we take what they say and hold on to it. Usually, they never meant anything by it. If they knew how much they hurt you, they would feel so bad. But if you are like me, you take that hurt and push it deep inside of you in this nice little "box of hurts". You lock it up and don't let on how much you hurt.

Until you can't take it any more. And you lose it. Big time.

You have focused on those words--those cutting remarks that have pierced your soul over and over. You get so caught up in those, you forget about God. It was maybe an innocent remark. Like the time someone close to me called me an airhead. It was said as a joke. But it hurt. I buried that remark deep inside. The person who said it still doesn't know how much it hurt. But I do.

We have to step away from the hurt and look to God. We have to remember that He was wounded for us. He was bruised for our sin. (Isaiah 56). Because He was hurt, we don't have to hold onto our hurts. Sure, people will say and do things that may sting. That hurt. But we can let go. You may not forget. But you can forgive. Let go. Give it to God.

I Peter 5:7--Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you.

God cares for you. All of you. He wants those hurts and burdens that you have been carrying for who knows how long. Let them go. Give them to Him.

The flip side of this is watching what you say. I am, by very nature, a very sarcastic person. When someone says something, I usually have some sort of snarky comeback. Even if someone says something that hurts me, they usually won't know. Because I can joke and pretend it's all good. But I have been told I talk to fast, too loud, and too much. I say things in jest that can be hurtful. I  stop thinking . . . . true story ;) Actually, somedays, I wonder if I ever started. But I don't want to be the person that unintentionally causes a fellow brother or sister in Christ to stumble and fall into bitterness because of something I said as a joke. I want everything that I say to be glorifying to God. Sometimes we have to say things to someone that they are not going to like. But it can still be said in a spirit of love.

A challenge: run stuff through your brain before you let it come out of your mouth.

Something my mother taught me years ago: (Sorry, Mom, for not usually remembering).
Before you speak, think. "Is what I am about to say true, kind, and necessary?" If not, it's probably best to leave it unsaid.

I titled this post Psalm 19:14. This verse is one you are very familiar with. "Let the Words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Thy site, oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer.".

Let me break that down for you. I talked about 2 different things in this post. Holding onto hurtful things people have said to us and dwelling on them--basically bitterness. And saying hurtful things to other people--not thinking and being kind and Christlike. Both what we say and what we think about (the words of our mouth and the meditations of our heart) need to be acceptable in Christ's site. WWJD is way overused in Christian circles (at least it used to be, it's not as popular anymore). But if Jesus were here, would you say that? If Jesus were reading your diary, would you be pleased for Him to see what you dwell on the most?
The second part of the verse is the reason and how we can do the first part. The Lord is our redeemer--why we need to be loving and not dwell on past hurts. He is also our strength--the reason we can forgive and move on. The reason we can be loving.

Christ gave everything. Love others.

Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed.
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost.
Count your many blessings, name them one by one.
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Count your blessings name them one by one.
Count your blessings see what God hath done.
Count your blessings.
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings see what God hath done.

Wow. Where has the time gone. I know I'm not graduated. Yet. But I'm officially a senior now . . . that is an odd feeling. My youth pastor had this  "joke". Every year on our birthdays, he would ask us, "Do you feel any older?". No, We never did. Ever. But if you were to ask me, "Senior year! Does it feel any different?" I would say "yes. I can't describe it. But it feels weird. Like. I'm not sure how I got to this point. The last 3 years--moved by so fast."

Looking back, all I can do is praise God. That's the only reason I have made it to this point. There were days I thought I was going to die. Projects I was sure I was never going to finish. Tests I was sure I was going to fail. But through all of it, my God has been faithful. He's taken care of me. Watched over me. Given me everything I needed (and SO MUCH MORE!). It hasn't been a walk in the park type of college experience. It has been hard. Really hard. There have been times I wanted to give up. (Side note: when I felt like that, i would re-evaluate and realize my focus had been on me. I was trusting in my own strength. By giving everything back to God, I would realize I didn't need to depend on my strength--His was sufficient).

Freshman year--everything was new, exciting, happy, and scary. Getting that syllabus for Civ? I thought there was no way I could finish. And I did. But even at the end when my Grandfather got so sick and I had to leave early, God was faithful. My song of the year was "God is there"

God is there, when I am searching.
God is there, when I'm afraid.
God is there when sorrows break my heart and leave my life dismayed.
God is there when life's uncertain, when I am alone, when I'm betrayed.
God is there--He'll be my fortress. God is there.

Sophomore year--year of the wise fool. That was an apt description of me. I had it together, had it down, was in control. God had to teach me to depend on His strength (a lesson I keep learning).
My theme song that year was "Press on"

"There's a course that must be finished, there's a raise that must be won.
There's a mission to accomplish, and a battle to be won.
We've been called to take God's challenge, by His might and through His power.
He will give the grace to complete the race and the courage to Press on!"

 I joined a new extension (Puppets of Praise), got involved in tons of stuff, and learned to juggle like never before. I told myself it could never get busier. I was sadly deceived. Enter . . .

Junior Year. Practicum. Upper-classman. Extension leader. Society president. Crazy person. Should be diagnosed as clinically insane. Through everything, God has again taught me to trust Him. My society got disbanded. It's over. No matter what we tried, God closed the doors. He made it very clear what His will was. And we had to trust that He knows best. We have to trust. Again and again, God would remind me that I can do nothing in my own strength. He sometimes uses trials to break us and make us more like Him. This year's song was "Blessings" by Laura Story.

"We pray for blessings, we pray for peace.
Comfort for Family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity.
We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
And all the while, you hear each desperate plea.
And love us way to much to give us lesser things.
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears.
What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you're near.
What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?"
I spent more than one night curled up in my bed crying while this song played. On repeat. For hours. Crying out to God--to show me what He wanted. Surrendered over and over. I wanted His will. I wanted to depend on His strength. And every time that I would beg for forgiveness, He would give it. Freely.

Senior year. I'm not there yet. I have no idea what God has for me. But whatever it is, it's going to be awesome. I just have to remember to let Him have control. I need to always depend on His strength. It's been a lesson I've been learning.

The other lesson I've learned is: packing is a pain when you are an Ed. Major. Like, did I really need that coffee can? And the 7 shoe boxes? Why do I have 5 sets of markers and a dozen glue sticks?  I don't know. Apologies in advance to those that are storing my stuff for the summer . . ..

Go ahead and wait . . .

Proverbs 3:5-6--Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not on thine own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.

Psalm 9:10--And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. 

Psalm 13:5--But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.

Psalm 20:7--Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God.

John 14:11--Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. 

While I can't go into a lot of details yet, there is a circumstance I'm in the middle of that is going to affect a lot of people no matter what is decided. I'm kind of partly in charge of this and partially responsible for the outcome. This morning I prayed that no matter what happens that God would be glorified. That I would be patient waiting for His answer (because at this point, it is out of my control. I'm waiting to hear back from the powers that be. I want to know what is happening--whether good or bad). I prayed that we would all be content with whatever God's will is. I thanked God for being in control. I asked God to show His will clearly so that we would know what He wanted us to do. I claimed this verse:

Psalm 112:7--He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD.

I felt like I gave it all to God. No matter what, I was going to trust that He knows best. I was going to be content with whatever happened. I was going to be patient--it didn't matter how long it took to hear back about everything, I was going to wait patiently. 

Isaiah 26:4--Trust ye in the Lord forever, for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength. 

I didn't expect to hear an answer less than 2 hours later.

Mind you, it isn't finalized, but it is fairly certain.

One of the "powers-that-be" passed me on the sidewalk. He told me that it doesn't look good. Basically, there is nothing left that we can do. Short of a miracle, that is. I felt a rush of disappointment.

We worked so hard.

We thought of all possible options.

Talked to people.

Sent tons of emails.

Prayed really hard.

Begged God to work out everything according to His will. (But that His will would be the same as OUR will.)

We

Tried

So

Hard.

God chose to do something different. As I was thinking about everything, I was reminded of what we prayed. I got honest with God. Asked Him to help make me

content.

At peace.

That I would trust in Him no matter what. in any circumstance. I really meant it. 

ANY circumstance.

I wanted to trust God. I WANT to trust God.
And I'm learning. It's a hard lesson most of the time. But if God wants me to learn it, He's going to send me circumstances that are out of my control to see if I have learned. I keep failing. Over. And over. And over again. I fall. I freak out. i stress. Complain. But God keeps teaching me. And forgiving me.
Isaiah 26:3--Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee.

Mirror image . . .

I saw this quote on pinterest:
"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." ~Gandhi~

(This is going to [hopefully] be a short one--I have to begin studying for exams).

Gandhi is famous for passive, civil disobedience. He is often called the "Father of India". He was raised a Hindu, and claimed to be a "Hindu, Muslim, and a Christian as well". He liked the idea of Christianity. He liked the idea of Christ--a God who would love us so much He would die for us. But then Gandhi looked at the people who claim to be followers of Christ. Those that are supposed to be like Christ. He didn't like what he saw. He didn't notice any resemblance. I know we are not perfect, and we are human. But shouldn't there be an obvious difference between those of us that claim to have Christ living inside of us and those that don't? When people look at you, who do they see?

Your life is a reflection of something. Is it of your desires, wants, plans, dreams, etc.? Or do you reflect Christ?

The Snapshots of your life

So I'm sitting at work, and my work computer is not working, so I can't work. And I'm really sick of studying (BTW, pray for my test this afternoon--I really need to do well on it in order for the rest of my college career to continue as planned).

So I love my job. I have a computer (that normally works), my own little cubicle, and awesome office mates. I have decorated my space with all sorts of awesomeness.

This is my awesome computer mouse--you can't tell, but it lights up! :)

And an alligator stapler :)

and happy food :) Somedays the m&ms and mountain dew is what gets me up in the morning. Don't judge me--I'm an exhausted college student.

I know you can't see all of the pictures, but I have tons of pics of family and friends on the cubicle wall. I have some of my favourite quotes, 2 songs, and (as seen below), 2 hand-made picture frames. Again, don't judge. I'm an Ed. major.

I look at these pictures. There are some from all the years I've been at college. There are pictures of my best friends, my extension, stuff from school projects, and just being goofy. There is my whole society, my cheerleading squad, and pictures from Antigua. I have a picture of my former freshman speech teacher at her recital. Every time I see these people who are so dear to me, I stop and thank God for them. I pray for them.

I look at these pictures and reflect on my life. Look back on the last 3 years. See what God has done for me. In my life. My whole life can be summed up in the snapshots I and others have taken.

I see pictures from the night I was baptized. I publicly declared (as only a blind 6 year old with a 2 foot ponytail can) that Jesus Christ had changed my life forever and that I was now His child.

I see pictures from camp--various decisions made over the years. I see pictures from my school years. Where I learned wayyyyyy more than I ever wanted to know . . . My high-school graduation, surrounded by people who love me.

Then I came to college and suddenly there are tons more pictures. Because I am a social person who loves being over-extended. Sports, music activities, extension, friends, work, etc.

The snapshots of my life point out a path that God has created and directed. There have been times where I've left the path. There aren't as many pictures during those times. When we aren't following God, we struggle and don't have time to take a picture. But when we get back on track, God gives us joy--people tend to usually take happy pictures. The path ahead--God has already seen the pictures I will take. He knows what is ahead, and I can rest in His plan. I don't know what the background will be in my pictures. I don't know where I will be, who I will be with, or what I will be doing. But I have a sovereign God. He has ordained and will ordain all the snapshots of my life. And the moments connecting them.

Hopelessness and the Resurrection

It's an odd title. For Easter.

Hopelessness.


For all my BJU friends and those in the surrounding area, you are familiar with Living Gallery. Every year, Bob Jones puts on this amazing production for Easter. They take paintings like:

and . . . 

and . . . 

Looking at these, you assume they are the original paintings. But because BJU goes beyond normal, they take these paintings and recreate them to be life-sized. Each of the people in these paintings are real people. They take out the paintings and put in real people. I could never do that. I'm ADD. Stand in a painting and look like a statue for long periods of time? No way. I just don't have the patience or skill. But people do it. And it's absolutly incredible. It's breath taking. If you have the chance, you should really go see it. 

Normally, there is a drama that accompanies the art.It highlights the gospel and usually involves a dramatic conversion on stage. This year, they did something different. They had monologues of people who "observed" the crucifixion. People who "knew" Christ. I wasn't sure how I felt about that before I saw it. I like the drama. It's always really cool, and I just like acting and all that. Monologues are cool, as long as they are part of the drama. But then I saw them, and my opinion totally changed. I was overwhelmed with the emotion conveyed on the screen. They portrayed the characters in a way I never would have thought. The actors made the person come alive. They seemed real. People like Peter, the Samaritan Woman, Pilate, the Pharisees, Nicodemus, Judas Iscariot, and others. They are a part of the story, but they were people. They had feelings and emotions. And they were going through something very few of us could imagine. There was one major feeling that most of the people on stage communicated. That I picked up on.

Hopelessness.

Absolute Despair.

All the characters on stage were totally lost. Well, most of them were. The Pharisees--not so much. But even Pilate felt lost and alone. Somewhat. And the audience, while watching, was supposed to feel that same overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Jesus was dead. He died. He was the promised Messiah. He was supposed to save us from sin. Give us eternal life. He was the Son of God. And now, all these people watched Him die. 

Treated like a common criminal. 

They watched His body come down from the cross and observed His hasty burial. Guards stood around the tomb in case someone would try to steal the body.

They wanted to believe. So much. But what could they believe in. In all practically, Jesus was dead. He had told them this would happen, but they had refused to believe it.

Probably the best and most compelling monologue was that of Peter's. One of Jesus' inner circle of friends. Known best for doing stuff without thinking. For being impetuous.

In His monologue, he looks up and screams, "WHY!?!?! I feel so guilty for betraying you. For denying you. But you betrayed us! You left us!" The audience was absolutely silent. I never pictured Peter as being angry with God. Weeping bitterly? Sure. The Bible says that. But screaming at God and accusing Him of leaving Peter alone? I had never thought of him as doing that. But don't we all?

We feel abandoned by God.

Alone.

Lost.

Even hopeless. No matter what happens, our life will never be the same. There is no point in going on. Of serving God. We feel that He has left us to fend for ourselves in this world. And we can't do it. We can't keep pushing forward.

Except, 

there

is

hope.

Hope.

HOPE!

Jesus is alive. He conquered death. Sure, He died. He had to die. But then, He rose again. He defeated death--it will not have dominion over us. Because of Christ's sacrifice, we can have Hope. Because of the resurrection, we don't need to live in a spirit of hopelessness.

Jesus understands our suffering. He suffered. More than we will ever go through or could ever imagine. 

When it feels like we are all alone, remember this:

Jesus was all alone. One of His closest friends sold Him. Another of His best friends denied that he even knew Jesus. All those that knew Him best fled in fear. Then the unthinkable:

God turned His back on His Son. His "Only Begotten Son" (John 3:16). Jesus cried out, in anguish,

"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"

So when you feel completely alone, remember 2 things.

1. Jesus knows how you fell--He was completely alone.

2. You aren't completely alone. He has promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

I 

Will

Never

Leave 

You.

Because of Christ's sacrifice, we have hope. Hope of a home in heaven and eternal life.  Hope of forgiveness of sin. Hope in victory over death. Hope of so much more. And this isn't a casual hope, like "I hope it won't rain tomorrow". This is a sure hope. It's a promise from God. 

We don't need to live in a state of hopelessness. We CAN have victory.

Happy Easter! 

Don't waste your life

Rachel (name and unimportant details changed to provide privacy) left work on Friday. She waved and and said goodbye. Her smile brightened the day for many last Friday.
As it did every day.
She headed home to her family. She was 42, had 2 kids and a husband.
She worked at a Christian college--behind the scenes.
Helping families around the world.
Her co-workers wished her a happy weekend.
Sunday she worshipped God with her church family.
Monday, 2 departments gathered at her Christian college. They meet every week for a devotional and prayer time. They looked around.

No Rachel.

She was never late. She never skipped work. She viewed her job as her ministry.
The leader, the boss, got up.

"Pray for Rachel. She had a heart attack this morning while getting ready for work. The doctors are working hard, but they can't stabilize her."

We were all shocked. I don't know her very well. I remember seeing the faces of the people that morning. They were shocked. It's not exactly something you are expecting on a Monday morning. Your 42 co-worker just had a heart attack.
Less than 2 hours later, we got the email that said that Rachel had passed away.
Just like that,

She was gone.

In the presence of the Saviour for whom she lived and served.
I'm sure she wasn't expecting it. I know none of us were. The cries of alarm that floated around the office--I'll never forget them. We weren't sure how to respond. Was this some kind of sick joke? She was so . . . alive . . . . She was excited about serving the King of Kings. Day in and day out.

Now, as we look back on her testimony, we are still saddened. Obviously. She will be missed in the office. But she spent the time God gave her on this earth for His glory. She gave everything she had to serve Him. She didn't waste her time.

I know this blog was originally directed at my generation--teenagers. Since I'm no longer a teenager, I have to widen the audience. I still have a passion for teenagers. I want to help them. But no matter what age you are, you still can give God everything you have. Teenagers are notorious for wasting their lives.

Spending all their time, money, and effort on themselves.

You know I want to change that.

I want to see us give everything for God.

Rachel's testimony demonstrates that. We don't know how long we have. She was 42--a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, servant. She used the time (even though she didn't know how much time she had) that God gave her for His glory.

I want to challenge MY generation to use the time God has given us for Him. I want us to give EVERYTHING we have--that may be money, energy, talents, or even life goals. Did you see that? LIFE GOALS. This is something I have struggled with.

Struggle with.

I have stuff I want to accomplish in my life. I have established 1 year, 5 year, 10 year goals for my life. If asked, I would say "yeah, I'm flexible--if God wants to change all that, I'm open to His leading". But am I? Are you? Have you thought about it? It's easy to say--quite another thing to step back, get rid of all your plans, hopes, and dreams, and let God direct.

James 4:14 says: "For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

It's short. It's unpredictable. We don't have long on this earth.

I was sitting in the Bible Conference sermon last night. Admittedly, a lot of what the pastor said ticked me off, but he made a lot of good applications. One thing he said in particular really stuck out to me.
He said:
"Where are all the Christians? Why aren't they out there evangelizing? We need to be sharing our faith boldly--with everyone!"
(Or something like that--it's not a direct quote)

My first response was: "We are sitting in Bible Conference. We can't go evangelize because we are listening to your sermon." OK, that was a wrong response. He had been preaching for an hour by that point, though.
My second response was: "Why aren't we Christians out there reaching the world? We have this amazing gift. We are hanging out, wasting our time, while the world goes to Hell. What is wrong with us?"

What have you been doing with your time. I know, most of you are in college--busy with homework, studying, requirements, etc. But you have some time. Go on an extension. Reach out to the world. Share what God has given you.

Don't waste your life. You don't know how long you have . . . 

Rejoice, and again I say, Rejoice

Is it just me, or has this week lasted forever? I feel like this semester will never end, and I will be at college forever. And ever. And ever. It's this never ending cycle of projects, tests, papers, late nights, homework, rain, etc. And if I'm not careful, I focus on all the negatives and forget to look at all the good things God has done for me. God has been reminding me lately to focus on Him. He keeps telling me to get my mind off of how horrible everything is and on how awesome He is. Last week was rough. I'll admit that. It was just busy. And then I started looking ahead at what I had to do this week, and it got worse. I started thinking that graduation was never going to happen. (Yeah, I am a junior and have a bad case of senioritis. I want to get out and use what I have learned, and basically be done with college stuff. I love college--don't get me wrong. It would just be a lot easier without classes I don't like and big projects. OK, I like projects. Just not a lot all due the same week). Anyway, this past weekend was amazing. God just showed me how little I really am thankful for. I mean, as a Christian who grew up in a Christian home, did Christian home-school curriculum, went to a Christian church at least 3 times in my Christian week, and now goes to a Christian college, with Christian teachers, I know that God gives us everything. I know (in my head), that all good things come from Him, and I know I need to be thankful. In my head. But when you run on 5-ish hours of sleep, jumping from one glass of mountain dew to the next, focusing on all you have to do, it's easy to forget. It gets busy. I understand. I make lists of my lists. To keep my OCD-self organized. But there is so much more than just the day-to-day stuff  of life.

This past weekend, continuing on to this week, God just showed me how absolutly good and amazing He is. There were a whole bunch of little (and not-so-little) things that happened that just reminded me that He cares about me. On Friday, we beat Omega in Schol Bowl. (For all my non-BJU-type readers, Omega is a society on campus that everyone loves to beat. They tend to be fairly cocky, and the smallest society on campus, a girls society, beat them in an academic challenge. This was huge). Then on Saturday, I got to participate in seniors on stage. This was a talent show that 10 people got to perform in. It was SOOOOOO much fun. Yes, I was really nervous the day of. But I did a comedy routine (google the 3 Little Pigs by John Branyan) in front of about 750 people-ish. Including Dr. Bob, Dr. Jones, and hundreds of others. I love getting laughed at by so many people. I'm glad I didn't win--I would have exploded on stage. That would have been bad .

(I know I look like I'm about to stab someone . . .I'm a desperate pig begging to be let into the brick house . . . )

Then on Sunday, I got to hang out with my best friends, Lisa and Beca. We went off and did homework at a coffee shop. I was able to get a lot done for this week, which was such a blessing. Monday, I got some good news in an email that almost made me scream (at work, where it's supposedly quiet.). Yesterday, I was able to finish big projects. Today, I can't wait to see what God is going to do. Tomorrow is going to be awesome. Saturday, the mercies of God are new. (And our 830 meeting got cancelled :D)

Do you get the idea? I could have looked Friday at the test I bombed. Saturday could have been spent freaking out about how I was going to forget my entire line. Sunday could have been focused on how early I had to get up for church (6:45 AM). And so on. Instead, God showed Himself to me in such amazing ways. He helped me realize that the little problems I face are no big deal compared to everything good he does for me.

This seems like a really random post, I know. I was reading through a student's file at work and I saw something that made me really stop and praise God for all the blessings He's provided. A student, in 12th grade, was in a horrific car accident last semester. He was driving a friend somewhere, when something happened (I don't have all the details). The friend was ejected and killed. He suffered a lot of physical injuries and a lot of emotional trauma (obviously). Even though he's been going through all of this, he's still focused on finishing school and getting that diploma. Emails from his parents indicate that through all of this, they are still praising God. They are still thankful and are focused on helping their son. Even he seems to be thankful. He's struggling, but he's moving on. He is praising God.

If that were me, I don't know what I would do. I'd like to think that I would be trusting in God and praising Him. But I don't know. If I forget to be thankful when the Dining Common serves something I don't like (like that tofu vegetable lasagna stuff), why would I remember to be thankful if my best friend was killed and I had all these physical problems. What would you do?

In prayer group a couple of weeks ago, we were doing "Praises Night". My prayer group does this thing where they don't talk, so I gave everyone a sheet of paper and told them to write down everything they were thankful for. I would encourage you to try it. Once you get started, it's hard to stop. It may be big things like "Salvation", "Family", and "Friends". It may be small things like "Mountain Dew", "Chocolate", and "Sharpies". Then post your paper somewhere where you will see it every morning when you wake up. I put mine above my bed on the bunk. I see it every morning, and it reminds me that there are so many things that I can be thankful for. Every day. I keep adding to the list. And there are hundreds of other reasons I should praise God. Even when I don't feel like it.

I Thessalonians 5:18--In EVERYTHING give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

FEAR NOT!

Have you ever played truth or dare? Or done the whole "let's take turns asking questions to learn about each other" (normally done with best friends or dating people)? Almost universally, the question comes up, "What are you most afraid of? or "When you were little, what were you most afraid of?" Don't you hate that question? I always have. Either my fears were really embarrassing, or they are stupid to other people. For instance, as a young child, I was terrified of really loud noises. Surprising, right? Considering how loud I am, people think I love loud noises. Really, the only exceptions were myself and music. I was especially terrified of the fans in bathrooms. I still hate them. That's just a stupid fear. I have always hated loud noises. Now, my biggest fear is . . . . you aren't going to believe this . . . . dogs. I hate them. They scare me. I could run marathons if you put a dog chasing me. I'd probably win the Olympic Gold Medal. Keep in mind, I'm not a runner. I just don't have it in me. But when my biggest fear is coming after me, I become a runner. A quick runner. There is a rational explanation about why I don't like dogs. Feel free to ask. I don't like bugs, I love thunder storms, and I've never been scared of the dark--because i love sleeping. We all have our fears. They are all different. 

If you've ever read the books "A Series of Unfortunate Events" you meet a lot of interesting characters. The main characters, Klaus, Violet, and Sunny, face all sorts of ridiculous circumstances. However, they never seem to show fear. However, in The Wide Window, we meet a lady named Aunt Josephine, who's life is ruled by her fears. Because she is afraid of stoves exploding, she never eats anything warm. Because she doesn't want the doorknob to explode into a thousand pieces, she leaves all doors open. Because she doesn't want to get crushed by the fridge, she avoids it. Yet she lives on this house precariously placed over a cliff. One strong wind, and it will blow into oblivion. She can't move, though, because she is afraid of realtors. Realtors. Her fears run her life, and ultimately kill her. 

Think of Joshua. Moses is dead. He's now responsible to lead these millions of people into the promised land. Think of the responsibility associated. The chance of failure is quite high, really. If all those people decide to rebel, Joshua would be dead in minutes. He's one person against so many. But he wasn't really one person. God was with him. Remember Joshua 1:9? "Be strong, and of a good courage. BE NOT AFRAID, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord thy God is with thee, withersoever thou goest." God was reminding Joshua of something he already knew--God was with him. He didn't need to be afraid. Wherever we go, God is with us. Think of the phrase "be not afraid". It's not a suggestion. It's a command. Don't be afraid. God is with you. It's mentioned hundreds of times. Don't be afraid. Fear not. Be not afraid. Trust in God. Cast all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you. Trust. Trust. Trust.