Thursday, July 4, 2013

How to win "Worst Customer of the Year" award

I'm taking a break from the more serious tone of this blog. Next post will be right back to usual. Today is a little "venting" if you will. Or, we could call it just being informative. Because people want to know.

Want to know what? You ask inquisitively.

I'm so glad you asked. I'm going to tell you how to win the  "Worst Customer of the Year" award. (Trophy pictured below)

Isn't it pretty? It seems like there are a lot of people out to win it this year. The competition is fierce--so you'll have to follow all the steps listed below. (I've worked in food service since I was 14--7 years, and now I work in retail as well. The stories I could tell--goodness. I'll try to tell a few below). I really think that some people need to think before they walk into a store. I told my mother that the wizard of oz could make a killing selling brains in front of my work place. (Note: The following list isn't in any particular order. The more you do, the greater chance you have of winning this award).

1. Re-pack you bags. After they are all full, take everything out and hold up the line behind you. They don't mind waiting while you re-do everything. (BTW, I'm OCD--your bags will be packed in a certain order). 

2. Give me your reusable bags after I have all your stuff in plastic bags. I don't mind taking everything out and putting it in your own bags. And the people behind you don't mind waiting either. They have nothing better to do. In fact, if you ask nicely, they may give you extra votes for this award! 

3. Scan your own items. Reach around, grab my scanner and scan your own loaf of bread. It's not like I get paid for that--and I love having stuff grabbed out of my hand.

4. Argue with me. Then another cashier. Then my supervisor. Then the manager. Then the owner. Eventually, you may find someone who can help you. If that doesn't work, try calling the president. 

5.Talk on your phone. Or text. Then glare at me when I try to ask you a question. It doesn't matter if it's rude. I'm not important.

6. Complain about the prices. Or the product we have. Or don't have. Or the color of the walls. Or anything else I have no control over.

7.Don't talk to me. When I ask you a question, stare blankly at me. I love feeling like I am talking to myself.

8. Assume I know everything about everything, and where it all is.

9. Assume I have used every product on the shelves. Even though I have no tattoos, I have tried out the "tattoo rejuvenating cream"--it works really well. And is worth the money. The same with the ashtray.

10. Forget your money and ask me to hold the line while you run out to the car for your wallet.

11. Let your kids scream bloody murder and run around like wild animals. You get bonus points if they pull things off shelves and destroy things.

12. If you have a cartful of items, please let your child unload each item one at a time. I have all day, and I would love to spend it watching your 3-year-old struggle getting everything up on the belt. 

13. It IS appropriate to pay for your order in nickels. No matter what you say, I still have to count it out--and if your order is over $0.50, you get bonus points. 

14. Search for exact change. Look under the conveyer belt. And on the floor. Dump out the contents of your purse to find the extra $2.75.

15. Leave your empty cart in front of my cash so the next person has to move it. Or I have to move it. I know it would really kill you to push it 10 feet away. We wouldn't want your life to be too strenuous.

16. Eat/drink products before paying. It's not a grocery store--it's a buffet! Help yourself. And if you don't like something, feel free to leave whatever is left on the shelf.

17. Cut in line. You are the most important person here--more important than anyone else.

18. Give me dating advice. 

19. Assume that my love-life is any of your business. Ask me out, ask for my phone number. Offer to pick me up from work. Call me dear, honey, babe, sweetheart, or any other such name. I've been looking for Prince Charming, and I hope he comes through my cash some day. That's how I've always dreamed of meeting him.

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